What Women Don't Know About Men
Many women think that they’ve got a pretty good handle on what men are all about. The stereotypical image of the male concerned solely with beer, sex, sports, cars and more beer however is often substantially wide of the mark, though it may sometimes appear to be true on the surface. Even if you’ve been with your partner for some time, their behavior at times may remain mysterious.
While there are significant differences between men and women in the way that they conduct their lives, act and love, there also many equally significant similarities that often lie hidden by a macho facade.
How Men Deal with Emotions
While women tend to wear their feelings on their sleeves and express their love externally, most men internalize their feelings. This can be confused for being unfeeling or cold, yet men are subject to the same depth of feelings, fears and emotions as women. The difference is in the way they express, or conceal, those feelings.
In western society, men are taught from an early age that they must appear strong. Showing emotions that are considered to be feminine is often considered a sign of weakness, and so men, under pressure from their peers and those older than them, learn to suppress these emotions as they grow up. At such a young age, this habit is quickly internalized within the personality. Yet emotions are not something that can be easily locked away or stifled. This may result in those emotions being expressed in different ways that may appear entirely separate from their source, but are in fact barely repressed emotions bubbling to the surface.
Imagine a kettle being brought to the boil. The boiling of the water creates pressure within the kettle, and the natural release point for this is the spout at the top. If this is sealed off however, the pressure will remain inside and continue to build. As the pressure reaches critical levels it will escape from the kettle wherever possible- through tiny cracks in the seams and flaws in the bottom or sides.
When emotion builds within a man, it often finds its path blocked by a lifetime of mental conditioning and societal pressure. Unable to escape via the natural route, it must instead find another way. This may result in sadness being expressed as anger, fear as hate, insecurity as pride, and a whole range of emotionally mismatched combinations.
Even prolonged attempts to conceal true emotions will eventually fail, and this can result in explosive outbursts of temper as the pent up feelings force their way out in any way they can.
Some women feel rejected if their man does not want to spend every waking moment with them. However such time apart is absolutely necessary for the healthy functioning of the relationship. As much as men enjoy and desire the company of women, they also require time by themselves, and time spent in the company of other men.
Because men are not as comfortable expressing their emotions as women are, they need time alone to be themselves, by themselves. While women are happy to share their feelings openly with their partner, many men fear doing so, perhaps because at a subconscious level they are afraid that it will make them less of a man, or result in them losing part of their identity. It may be possible to get your man to ‘open up’, but if they are not given the space they need, this may bring them to the point where they question the relationship and need to ‘take a break.’
How to Understand your Man Better
Relationships are all about a building an understanding between both partners. While for women this may involve talking about feelings and emotions, for men it is often a much more indirect process. Ask a man about his biggest fears, regrets or wildest dreams and he is likely to either shrug off the question or turn it into a joke. Subtler measures and large amounts of patience are often required if you really want to get to know the true spiritual personality of your partner. This involves painstakingly deciphering his emotional encryption and getting to the root of the true reasons and motives behind his actions.
Value the Differences, Cherish the Similarities
For a relationship to work, contrast and difference are essential. Like the Ying and the Yang, each part is strikingly different, but together they form a whole in harmony. While it may be frustrating at times, it is far easier to understand a man and accept his idiosyncrasies than it is to change him.
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