In Love with a Narcissist
The definition of a narcissist is someone who has a long term issue with an abnormal behaviour, which is characterised by certain behaviour patterns. Psychologists term it Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). It is more common than people realise and those who suffer from it display such behaviours as heightened feelings of self-importance – a strong desire for admiration – lack of empathy for others. Along with other self-serving traits, such as a sense of entitlement, bullying, intimidation and the need to belittle others, they tend to fall for others who they can control. As those who fall in love with them and begin a relationship start to realise, things change once the relationship has started and as the control element begins to take over.
The once loving and caring person slowly changes into an abusive partner who controls the other person without mercy or consideration for their feelings. This is both mental and emotional abuse, but they regard it as their “right” to take control. Having become the dominant partner, they will want to be with someone who is subservient and willing to be controlled. Because the narcissistic partner is usually very clever at hiding their behaviour from those outside of the relationship, often presenting an image of a perfect, loving and caring person, their partner usually finds it difficult to convince others of exactly what is really happening to them. The narcissist will be able to look their partner in the eyes and lie easily, and will be quick to temper if they are blamed or caught out.
To break away from an abusive partner can feel very difficult because we lose sight of the sense of ‘self’ and begin to live out what psychologists call the ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’. By this, we mean that if you are told enough times that you are silly, lacking in confidence, mad, worthless and other derogatory terms, then you will begin to believe that they are true. Losing one’s self-worth is not only demoralising for the victim but can have a strong effect on their mental health as they become more vulnerable to the abuse. Some victims feel they can help or change their abusive partner, but it is very hard to change a narcissist. Victims may just be focusing on the good times and forget the extent of the abuse that they have suffered for so long. Much of the abuse can be so gently manipulative and clever, that most victims don’t know it’s happening most of the time.
Of course, counselling might help the narcissistic partner, but this would take time and they often refuse it as they don’t realise they are behaving abnormally. Most couples in abusive relationships often end up separating. This can leave the narcissistic partner feeling frustrated as they feel the break-up is not their fault. They are unlikely to take responsibility for their actions, and even if they attempt to apologise, they won’t really mean it. A narcissist can apologise, but will only do it to manipulate their way back in. They are also less likely to be able to form proper, long-lasting and loving relationships in the future.
If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, ask your friends and family to help you break free. Spend time with others to re-build your confidence, but most importantly of all – no matter how hard they try to persuade you that they have changed, never connect with the narcissist again. Narcissists never change.
If you have been in a controlling relationship, our psychics can help. Call for a reading today.