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How do I get control of my life?
10 November 2023

How do I get control of my life?





Life is a journey we all make whether it is consciously or unconsciously. While you may feel your life is out of control or more difficult than other people’s life, you have more control and influence over your life than perhaps you realise.

See your life as a train carriage and you are the conductor who decides who comes into your carriage. Of course, when you are young, you need people to take care of you. But as you grow, you gain strength as the conductor of your life.

The choices you make today will reflect the life you enjoy or perhaps endure tomorrow.

You choose the life you experience including the people in it. But you might say;

“I was unexpectedly widowed. What control did I have over that life event?”

You would be right to say you had no control over that event but you do have control over how you respond to it. I purposefully say ‘respond’ as it is a much more considered action that ‘react’. If you loved your partner, you will feel sad and bereft. But you get to choose whether you stay that way for the rest of your life or you take steps to re-build your life.

I speak from experience as I was unexpectedly widowed in my 40s. For some time I was very sad and cried a lot. When people asked me my age, I even got that wrong and said I was a year older than I actually was. I think I felt old or perhaps I was just in shock.

It was my Mum who finally said;

“It’s time for you to take control of your life. Agreed it is sad your husband passed, but do you want you children to grow up in an atmosphere of sadness and feeling alone? You need to own your life, know who you are and rebuild your life.”

I remember feeling rather cross with my Mum, who was a widow herself. But on reflection, I knew she was right. I wanted laughter in my house and my children to feel it was a safe and happy place to be. I set out to work on myself and my life. Two years later I found new love and re-married. A whole new and refreshing chapter of my life opened up.

Widowhood is not the only challenging life event. There are many more such as loosing a child, divorce, redundancy, a business failing. In all of these types of events, it is about –

Owning your life and the challenges you find in it. Love yourself and re-build again. Find the courage within to make a course correction if you need to.


Do tell me about your approach to life. Drop a comment on what challenges have you faced and how did you overcome them?

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